This is a guest post from Melinda, a wonderful blogger and Spiritual teacher who inspires people to overcome their darkness. She talks about why people make excuses to avoid working on themselves. Enjoy this post and be inspired.
We have all been there. Laziness, blaming others for our own problems or seeing the world through gloomy glasses – we have all experienced one, but most likely all, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The problem begins when we start making them a habit. When we start making excuses in order to avoid having to put in the work to change ourselves.
I have collected the most common excuses we tell ourselves when we want to dodge the responsibility of our own happiness:
“I was born this way.”
This can be a beautiful encouragement to those who were actually born with attributes they cannot (and shouldn’t) change. But for the rest of us, it can become an ugly excuse for our own issues we refuse to work on. Who we are is not set in stone. You can always aspire to be a kinder, nicer and altogether better person. That is what our days should be about – to become better people than we were yesterday. There is always room to improve. Unless you’re already perfect, which I’ll address in a moment.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, it’s YOU!”
I came across this one so frequently in my life, it’s a little unbelievable. Not just from others, but from myself as well. The easiest thing, of course, is to blame everyone else for our problems, since that frees us from every responsibility. It’s everybody else’s fault, so we cannot do anything anyway. It’s important for us to learn once and for all that we are in charge of our own lives. I like to remember this quote from Carl Jung: “Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens.” It’s very true, I suggest you remember it too.
“The world is just too cruel.”
Similar to the one above, but they’re not exactly the same. While the one above blames everybody else for our own problems, this one suggests that there is no use in changing, since the world will crush us anyway. The hostility of the world demands us to be harsh or cold, because that’s the only way we can prevail. The truth is that the world is as soft as you are. If you soften, it softens too. Don’t hold on to your perceptions too much.
“I’m not capable of change.”
I’m too old, too stupid, too weak to change. Again, this is just your perception, a single thought in your head that has absolutely nothing to do with reality. You’re as old, as stupid and as weak as you think you are, because you let your thoughts affect your actions. Imagine what would happen if you believed in yourself. If you believed you were capable of anything. You might fail a couple of times, but you know what they say: the only way you can ever truly fail is never even trying. Let me be the voice who tells you that you are not too old, too stupid or too weak; you can be anything you want to be, so smile.
“I will change tomorrow.”
My diet starts tomorrow, right? Sure, always tomorrow, but the problem with tomorrow is that it never comes. The only time that exists is the present moment. There is nothing stopping you from changing right now, in this moment. Every moment is a new one, every moment holds the possibility of change, so grab it, use it, make it your own. You don’t need a new year, a new day or even a new hour to start something. All you need is now.
If you saw yourself in one of the examples above, don’t worry, it’s human nature. But what makes us humans extraordinary is that we can change. And the first step towards that change is to notice our issues. There is always room to grow, but the good news is that in every new moment, you can become a better person. Smile, because life is an adventure, there’s nothing to worry about, because it will flow anyway. Be like water, and flow with it with a smile, making this experience joyous to not just yourself, but everybody else around you as well.
Melinda Csikos is a writer who became her own spiritual teacher when going through a dark time. She shares her realizations on her website themiracleforest.com in hopes of encouraging others to face life with a smile. She is a loving wife, animal lover, fantasy nerd, and kindness enthusiast.